Plus-Ones, B-Lists & Friends With Kids: Your No-Guilt Wedding Guest List Playbook
- Share via
Few parts of wedding planning cause more tension than the guest list. There’s logistical considerations (venue capacity, budget), politics (family expectations, social circles), and emotions (hurt feelings, awkward conversations). It’s a puzzle of logistics and emotions and almost every couple runs into a few tricky pieces. Here’s how to approach the most common guest list dilemmas.
The Plus One Question
It’s one of the most common—and awkward—guest list debates: who gets a plus one? A helpful rule of thumb: Extend a plus one to any guest who is married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship (typically 9+ months or living together). For everyone else, it’s up to your discretion. Just be consistent. If one cousin gets to bring their new partner and others don’t, this will become a point of contention.
The B List
Sometimes you need a B list to manage space or budget—but it must be handled carefully. Build a B list immediately and send save the dates out extra early to your A list along with a soft nudge for guests to RSVP early in the process. Offering a website link where guests can say “yes”, “no” or “undecided”, can allow you to open up invitations to the B list as the initial declines come in. If done strategically, you can invite B list guests in a way that still feels intentional.
Uninviting Someone (Delicately)
Rare, but it happens. Maybe someone’s behavior changed, a break up happened or a friendship faded. If you must uninvite someone, we recommend handling this over a heartfelt phone call. Be honest but gentle, and take full responsibility for the change of heart. It will be uncomfortable—but ghosting or avoiding the issue can result in miscommunications and deep wounds.
Kids or No Kids?
Weddings can be magical for children—or deeply exhausting for parents. The decision is entirely personal, but whatever you choose, be clear. Use your website and invitations to communicate it kindly. If kids aren’t invited, phrases like “adult-only celebration” work well. Providing childcare, referrals for nanny services or hosting a family-friendly welcome event can be a thoughtful way to ensure guests know how much you love their children, despite your request.
Extended Family You’re Not Close With
Weddings can resurface decades of family dynamics. If you’re skipping certain distant relatives, prioritize honesty and boundaries over guilt. Focus on the relationships that truly matter to you, and if someone questions your decision, you can say something like, “We had to make some hard choices, and I hope you understand how limited the space is.”
Coworkers & Casual Friends
Unless you socialize outside the office or work in a very small office, coworkers aren’t automatic additions to the guest list. It’s okay to celebrate separately. Similarly, you don’t owe every casual friend an invitation—especially if you haven’t connected in years. Trust that the people who love you will understand your priorities.
Grace Over Guilt
Ultimately, your guest list should reflect your values and your vision. Lead with kindness, communicate clearly, and try not to over-explain. The goal is not to invite everyone you’ve ever met—it’s to gather the people who matter most, so you can celebrate with joy and peace.
There’s no perfect formula for the guest list—but when it’s rooted in intention and handled with care, it becomes less about politics and more about presence. The people who are meant to be there will understand your heart, and the rest will settle in time. Trust yourself, protect your peace, and focus on creating a celebration that reflects the life you’re building with the people you love most.
More Weddings & Celebrations
